I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
