quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
