You smell like stripper and shame
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We left the knife in your bed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
