Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
