i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
