I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
