Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
