the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
