Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
