to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize