Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
