So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
