woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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