I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
