Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize