I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What a dumb baby whore.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
