i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
