1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm both gender and math confused
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
