If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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