I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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