I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
