"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
