38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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