Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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