I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
