planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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