You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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