there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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