Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
