So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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