You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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