can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
