I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
