In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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