Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize