for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
