I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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