If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
