Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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