no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just cropdusted the office
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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