finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
