how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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