Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Welp...herpes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
God gave him joint rollers for hands
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
