my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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