I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
