We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it hurts more in the daytime
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
