you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
