Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just google imaged poop.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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