Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
