dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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