Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
