I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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