I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
