then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
