I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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