Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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