idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
MIDGETS
????
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
