Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
