I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize