I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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