just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
