do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
