we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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