u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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