I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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