Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
