my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
