you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
